Cancer in Wonderland
‘Curiouser and curiouser!’ cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); ‘now I’m opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!’ (For when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far off). - Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
Since March of 2022, I have felt like Alice- lost in Wonderland, hardly able to recognize my own life and body. I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer at the ripe old age of 42. Before that, I was happily moving through life with 2 amazing daughters, a fabulous husband, and 2 sweet dogs. The diagnosis, scans, tests, and appointments seemed to happen so fast, like I had mistakenly fallen down a rabbit hole to an unrecognizable world. Everything changed. The reality that I knew and trusted was suddenly gone, and I was tasked with navigating this new world and hopefully not messing up too much along the way.
Throughout my cancer treatment, I often thought about the sudden physical changes Alice went through in the beginning of her journey in Wonderland. My infusions and surgeries became the magic drinks and cakes that Alice encountered, altering my body in new and unexpected ways. And like Alice, I tried to have gratitude, patience and acceptance of my new state. But also like Alice, sometimes I would get so frustrated by all the rapid changes that I, too, would end up in a pool of tears. I met strange characters along the way. My wise, yet not so straight forward surgical oncologist was my Caterpillar. My grounded, smart, and very busy medical oncologist was my White Rabbit. I would follow him anywhere. My jovial infusion nurses were my Mad Tea Party. And that one tech who failed over and over to get an IV is my Red Queen.
One of the biggest joys during the hardest parts of my cancer treatment was planning vacations with my family. I was desperate to escape the current realities of my everyday cancer life. I wanted to see and experience something new, because my reality involved a lot of appointments, procedures, and sitting. My family also enjoyed discussing dream vacations and one place we all wanted to go was Walt Disney World. We couldn’t think of a better place to take an actual vacation from ourselves. It’s a place where magic happens and fantasy becomes reality. It was exactly what we needed. So, I poured myself into planning it. I learned everything I could about our trip. I researched restaurants and experiences. Did virtual tours of resorts and rides. Watched videos about genie + and memorized our perfect itineraries. So we went. And then we went again. And then we went with friends. And then I went solo. And then I went with my best friend. And back again with the whole family. And then just my husband and I went. And soon, I was talking about Disney vacations and answering questions with all my friends. I found something I love to do. I love to plan magical experiences for myself, my family, and my friends. And I was good at it. Every trip, I would learn something new and experience something I hadn’t before. And one of my friends said “I’d pay you to plan my family’s Disney vacation.” That lit a spark in me and was the beginning of Curiouser & Curiouser Travel Co.. I learned that can do this for my friends (and not have to charge them). This is enjoyable and fulfilling work that fits around my never ending infusion and appointment schedules.
Every hero needs an origin story and this is mine. ‘Margaret’s Adventures in Cancer Wonderland’ is just the beginning of my story. The rest is still unfolding.